yikes. its been a year. more in fact. more or less. who cares.
maybe i’ll take this up again..we’ll see.
“Continuing to live – that is, repeat
A habit formed to get necessaries -
Is nearly always losing, or going without.
It varies.”
- Philip Larkin
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relentless reminiscing straight back zeroing into first day of leave december 17 twothousandandnine settling into the dawn of slack pose no-work delights, wallowing in calm repose, reeling in the coolwetcalm 8am showers, breathingeasy toggling on the hundred mechanical indecisions and visions and re-visions dropping slated plated questions what ta break what ta eat for break fast and then onwards to outside cool taking the air in a tobacco trance watching traffic whispering on the tarmac, sidelined in thoughts schedules diys paint putty plaster put-ons and wait heres the breakfast thankyou and zigzagging across back in through the out door and bellowing put off the tv and out with the square bowls and fine china and lets here eat please and eat eat drink drink and off to chores of putty and paint and excuses and just another hour please and back on the comfortable teak and breeze blown in and cardomam tea and chet baker and kerouac cool and becoming one with sofa.
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deconstruction and dooteys in progress. forgive me us for the delays and disappearances.
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happy birthday love. i miss you even when you’re next to me. hope you liked the dinner (and the kitchenaid!)
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here’s a few from our goddaughter’s mini birfday bash right after lin’s sista’s wedding (talk about party-hijack!). forgot the cam cause of the rush so pls endure the blur…another rotund reason to opt for iphone over blackberry.
the stones are down again, down down, imaginary things lifted up and dropped on mornings, evenings. dropped hard on desks at early morning sitting at desk, wood copulating with paper. soft strong paper of straits times and today and tnp and godknowswhat, crying to be read and they will be read, no news of this, then it was always health, cardio and kidneys, transplants and malpractices and h1fuckingn1 and osteoperosis and angioplastys and rashes and tits and lasik and spiderveins and unbecoming blemishes and gall stones and tka and vitamins b and c and d and go fuck urself hypochondriac pills and band aids and clean hands and sinister bunions, and continence and vertigo, drs and specialist and naked nurses in the ot and toyota fucking lean qualtiy systems. and thats gone and its all over making way for art and arty and artyness and culture vibes and heritage hankerings and coffee machines and leaky pens and sinister sculptures and phillipines people and vietnam people and china people and thailand people and india people and singapore people and people people squeezed into a tourism ball, cross purposed and counter-parted and insane delegations, and music and peace and cigarettes and halloween and crazy foreign media, and stiffies and homos, and mint toys and photographs and media protocols, and target audience and agencies and production houses, and quotations and mellodrama, and caricatures and scripts and 128gsm and photocalls and monochrome photos and bus tours and blog posts and brochures and 4c guides and period mags and flemish masters and monalisas and egyptian hieroglyphs and li chen and spring and rain and sycophants and sex and bad movies and chicken wraps and nanyang history and 1938 and bukit chandu and armenian church and writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing writing, o god, o venus, o mercury, patron of thieves, lend me a little tobacco-shop, or install me in any profession, save this damn’d profession of writing, where one needs one’s brains all the time.
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2 disadvantages of havin an indian wife
1st – i eat way too much on deepavali
2nd – i watch 4hr long tamil moovies without a slice of english subtitles in sight
2 advantages of havin an indian wife
1st – i get to eat way too much on deepavali
2nd – i get to watch 4hr long tamil movies without a slice of english subtitles in sight (eerrr..so is de hero de one with de pot belly? or is he de one with de pot belly?)
Even the five grueling years she spent as a matador in Pamplona had not prepared her for a bull this sneaky.
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& tomorrow will b 3rd week at noo job.
review: chaotic & comfortable. neckup in work. piles & piles of em’. never ends. nice place. good place. happy. i see my sanity in tha distance. finally after 3.5 years. that fucker is not gonna slipaway this time.
nothin else. oh wait. yes 1 more…steve-o for president!
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walking in the door i thought gawd damn this must be some made-up goof straight to hell, shit road to hades, bound to incidents id never fathomed and answers id never found, leading on & on & on to continuous questions
ccs, when will u end the human war?
ccs, when will u be angelic?
when will u take off your clothes?
ccs, why is your meeting room full of tears?
im sick of your insane demands
ccs after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world.
your machinery is too much for me.
you made me want to be a saint.
i don’t feel good don’t bother me
ccs, there must be some other way to settle this argument.
danker is thru i don’t think he’ll come back it’s sinister.
are you being sinister or is this some form of practical joke?
my mind is made up there is going to be trouble
ccs this is quite serious
ccs this is the impression i get from looking into the television set
ccs this is the impression i get from looking into the eyes of colleagues
ccs, I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness
ccs is this correct?
ccs i’m addressing you.
are you going to let our emotional life be run by the straits times?
i’m obsessed by the straits times.
i read it every week.
ccs stop pushing i know what I’m doing
ccs, we sneak smokes at stairways every chance we get and we’re not sorry.
ccs, when will you give up your obsessions?
i’m trying to come to the point
ccs, you don’t really want to go to war
i refuse to give up my obsessions
ccs, when will you feed the hungry?
ccs the orchids in your garden are falling
ccs, i’ve given you all and now i’m nothing
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tomorrow at 3peeam, at the scream of sirens i will pledge implacable allegiance to the other tribe.
‘and i feel ready to live my life again. as if this great outburst of anger had purged all my ills, killed all my hopes, i look up at the mass of signs and stars in the night sky and lay myself open for the first time to the benign indifference of the world. and finding it so much like myself, in fact so fraternal, i realize that i’d been happy, and that i was still happy. for the final consummation and for me to feel less lonely, my last wish is that there should be a crowd of spectators at my execution and that they should greet me with cries of hatred’.
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